Facing the Muzak

While it is certainly fun to go into recording with no ideas and just feelings and just playing what comes out and seeing what happens, I am leaning towards going back to my roots and really thoroughly writing each part of each song and generally recording what I write, and letting the creativity come in the writing process and devoting recording time to making each part of each song sound its best.  I believe I have reach a point in my ability level (well, I am out of practice, a bit, so with a little practice and getting back to focusing on music as my main hobby, since, well, it is more therapeutic and right now that's what I need) where I can write a part to a song and then play it how I write it.

I have three albums where I have written the lyrics and the basic guitar parts which I have to work from and improve upon, and a fourth that I have written the lyrics to and know basically where I want to go with it, so I have no shortage of material available.  I feel like I should devote some time to each one and see where I can take these ideas, and what ideas they might spark as I work on them and record them, one song at a time, one album at a time, until I am spent.

I have spent the last several years devoted to getting enough schooling to get a decent job, and I think I have reached the point where I can say that I have enough to get a job that pays well enough that I don't have to worry about money so long as I focus on the job when it is necessary and have time to devote to my own interests and my wife, my family, and friends.  Working in the food industry or in retail sales just doesn't cut it, and I believe I am a good enough writer that I can mold myself to be proficient at whatever writing-related job that I can get.  Right now I just have to sell myself as somebody versatile and capable.  I certainly have enough schooling and varied work experience.  

So long as I can devote the rest of my time to the things that I truly care about and that truly matter, that's all that's important.  Rather than trying to make a living at my dreams, I am going to make my dreams a reality by making a living at something else and actually participating in my dreams the rest of the time.  If music and other forms of creative self expression, particularly writing, are the main activities that fill me with passion, then does it really matter whether I do them as a hobby or as a career so long as I can do them and enjoy doing them?  I don't think it really makes a difference.  If one truly enjoys something, then the doing of them is all that really matters, and the time that one gets to spend doing them needs to be focused on and appreciated to the fullest when one is able to partake in them.

Music is one such hobby for me.  The act of creating music is enough for me, and it is something I intend to devote time to doing no matter what.  While I might not have lived that long or be that wise, I realize that most of life is pure nonsense and bullshit and the less you worry about the nonsense and bullshit of life and just focus on the things that make you happy, then the happier you will be.  If happiness is the objective then that is the surest way to the goal.  After all, I might have to perform a task for someone else as the means to make money, that does mean that has to be the most important thing in my life.  That doesn't mean that I won't put my full effort into it when I am doing it, either.  I believe one can lead a complex, multi-faceted existence.  

If you can compartmentalize your life and focus on what you are doing in the present, then you will succeed just simply because you are focusing on what you are doing when you need to be focusing on it and not worrying about the rest.  Of course, this is an ideal, and it never works as perfectly as I am describing, that doesn't mean that I should abandon it.  There is no way to live a completely ideal life.  Life isn't ideal.  You are only one consciousness connected to a network of infinite consciousnesses.  You can only control what is happening to you in the present, and hope that what you are doing is going to lead you to meeting the goals that you have set for yourself.  Some people devote all their time to one particular goal, but that is not for me.

If I have to compartmentalize my life and be many different people under one person, then that is who I am going to be and what I am going to do.  If this is the way that I choose to live my life, people can try to stop me, but that doesn't mean they will.  I can be pretty stubborn when I set my mind to something.

Music will always be an important part of my life, and I hope that I can pass my love of it to my children, as my parents and family and friends have passed it onto me.  In a lot of ways, that is what my novel is about: doing something for the love of it and not to impress others.  In my opinion, you should always pursue the things that you love.  I love music.  So be it.  So it is.  So I play, write, and record, and hopefully share my love with others.  Right now, that's what matters.